It's 5 p.m. and I Don't Have My Chai

Five to six p.m. Every day without fail. Teatime in every South Asian house. Doesn't matter if you're still in the motherland or if you've moved for the promise of a better life, Teatime transcends country borders.  

Ok yeah it sounds kinda corny, but it’s these small traditions that keep me grounded to a life imagined.  

I am Indian. Fully, both sides, and the second
of my extended family to study in America. Passport is embossed with a gold “Republic of India,” but there’s no wealth behind that color. The 81st strongest passport, living in a country holding the 8th most powerful...but when I really think back on it, which passport do I really deserve? I know maybe 3 states in India, and multiple cities, yet I can tell you by border all 50 of America. I know the British occupied and ruined us, yet I can’t tell you the name of a single battle. I could tell you at least 15 battles and events of the American Revolution.  

What does that say about my title as an Indian citizen?  

I know the language by ear but can’t read it. Throw me into the country, and I’d be closer to my family, and I’d learn the language, my accent would be pretty on point, but I wouldn't have lived it.

Seeing Thi Bui and the hole of Vietnam through her back, it being behind her and through her and missing all at the same time, I know that feeling, and I wish I didn’t. I know so much about my culture, the food, language, all of it, and I can thank my parents for that, but it’s never gonna be enough. No matter how many times I visit India—only twice since I left—I’ll never be a ‘homegrown’ Indian.

I talk about being an immigrant every so often, not having a passport, but I’m scared that getting the blue USA embossed on my ID, I'll lose the gold of India.  

So yeah, I’m going to keep making Chai at 5 p.m., and all my other little traditions, cause for right now, I’m still more Indian than American, and that balance will never tip. 

 Made in India but sold in America.



P.s. I showed my mom this and she said it sounds like I hate America AND THAT WAS NOT MY INTENT AT ALL- YALL COOL TOO BUT YOUR CHAI GAME NEEDS HELP-

Comments

  1. Dina GuoNovember 17, 2024 at 12:38 PM

    JUMANA OMG. I love so many things you said here that I'd literally just be copy-pasting your blog if I wrote about it here. Even though our situations are different, I can relate to this feeling of not knowing your "homeland". I can barely read Chinese, let alone name all the dynasties. I also really love your last line, "Made in India but sold in America". I feel like it encompasses the immigrant-child experience. I have this feeling of not knowing where I truly belong. Anyways I love you Jumana please don't get deported.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Madhavi YNovember 17, 2024 at 1:04 PM

    The contrast between your knowledge of India versus America and your desired identity is crazy. I loved how you portrayed your conflicting emotions so emotionally, with the idea that you’re Indian in all ways except living there, and American in all ways except being a citizen. And yeah, it did kind of come off as you disliking America but your side-note cleared it up. Also, I can’t help but notice that my family is missing out on the 5-6pm tea time you talked about…

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aashika KNovember 17, 2024 at 2:02 PM

    Hi Jumana! The 5-6 p.m. teatime is REAL! I literally thought it was a universal South Asian thing until I left home and realized not everyone drops what they’re doing for chai. Your whole "Made in India but sold in America" line hit me right in the feels—it's like we’re all walking contradictions, isn’t it? We carry our culture in one hand and an American passport in the other, trying to keep the balance without spilling either one. But honestly, I’m with you on the chai—no matter where I go, it’s just not the same anywhere else

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Coffee isn't a Close Substitute

Image
Tea and Coffee, much to my dismay, do actually have much in common.   Both provide caffeine, are comforting, usually brown in color, and are one’s best friend the night before a test you procrastinated studying for. ..but they aren’t replacements for each other.   The United States has taken pride in being a country living on coffee ( and d estroying tea for that matter ), having many fast-food chains specializing in having coffee ready for the graveyard shifts.   India’s pride, if not Virat Kohli or Hrit hik Roshan , has got be chai. Every household has a slightly different way of preparing it, yet we can all agree our dads need it at least twice a day.   The concept of ‘home’ is a complex one, maybe even more than my mom’s masala chai recipe , but much like chai, it’s a little different for everyone. While watching The Swimmers, I initially felt so proud of myself for being able to understand a good amount of the Arabic spoken, but it quickly shifted to gu...
Read more

The Tea Burned Too Hot, The Burn Scarred

Image
It's honestly pathetic how blindsided I’ve become from just one person, but eh, it got me to realize something.    Your worst enemies are never the ones who are crystal clear .    They hide behind a cloud covering your consciousness and wait until you’re at your highest. Good enemies want to take you down while you’re up.    Just when you thought the last assignment was done, the last battle had a white flag flying higher than any arrows or bullets, he emerges from the mist with college applications.    Suddenly school isn’t the wars ’ denouement , but the end of a peace treaty.    We are trading one prison for another.   L' enfant du Regiment, and injured girl covered by the jacket of the soldier who bandaged her before going back to battle, leaving her on a tomb to keep her out of sight. She's "protected," but the battle rages on. You’re telling me he couldn’t stop with these assignments and tests, but had to add on essay...
Read more

PSA: Stop Killing Older Brothers, I literally Can't Take it Anymore

Image
I have watched my older brother die twelve different times .   I’ve seen him drown in a frozen lake trying to save his sister. I’ve watched as he threw himself in front of a shower of arrows while telling me to run. I’ve turned around to see him run back into a burning building just for the flames to beat him.   I’ve seen his body harvested for the powers they hold and then used against me. I’ve seen him fight for his life and mine, only to be stabbed, and when he looked around for help, no one came to his aid.   I don’t know how to save him, and I’ve failed 12 times already. How can I shield a trope that haunts me in every last thing I watch and read?   Whether I see him as Jack Frost, Tadashi, Rei, Kai Smith, or Kayen, I always feel the same pain, like I could’ve reached deep enough into the screen that I could grab their hand and tell him it’s not worth it. That maybe playing inside instead of the ice was a better idea, or that the fire wasn’t wort...
Read more